Nine years ago I unknowingly wore work pants (trousers to you worldly folks) that you could see through a little bit. And no one said anything until after lunch–I went like six hours of a whole workday like this. And when I think back to this moment (maybe you relate)--I can feel the cringe like it happened today.
There are many versions of this little nightmare out there–shades of accidental vulnerability and visibility. (Of course there are the bigger ones too, but I’m keeping it light today). And the fear of visibility (or the wrong kind of visibility like the pants I wore that day to work) stops a lot of us from reaching our goals.
But now it is time.
I keep telling myself that.
It is time to start and go and flourish in my journey and fly like a little birdie. But why do I feel so terrified?
Most of us can recall that embarrassing moment on a visceral level. Something cringe-worthy we just seem to be stuck on. But how do we process it and not let it stop us?
I really ought to practice what I preach. But the truth is, I’m just as scared of being visible as the next person. Maybe you relate–I’ll craft a perfectly pithy social media post, then save it to drafts and never post it. I re-read texts like 3 times before I send them. I’m scared of something. So I’m getting meta and putting myself out there in bigger ways. Yesterday I posted my first Youtube video and it was scary. (Please like and subscribe) But it’s something I want to be doing, so I have to find a way to be less afraid.
The fear of visibility is common among the people I work with. It’s definitely something I struggle with also. Sure, there are plenty of good reasons to be afraid. And there are ghosts from embarrassing-things-past that still haunt us.
I recently wrote about tolerating the fear of visibility here. But it’s worth doing a deeper dive. Especially because my goals for the coming year literally involve me being more visible. (time to old-timey shake my fist at my cursed ambition).
Here are 5 ways to help you overcome the fear of visibility:
Remember you are strong and accomplished. Yes, you! If you need a reminder, go here.
Ask yourself-what about this feels unsafe right now? Mindfulness, journaling, and reflection can be powerful tools to help you start feeling safe. Here is something to help you.
Tell yourself–you can survive and move beyond embarrassing things. If Oprah says it, it must be true. You’ve already survived embarrassing things in high-stakes situations. You can survive this too.
Start small. No need to become a Youtube influencer overnight. We have to train ourselves to tolerate being recognized for good things and remember incremental successes as much as for the cringe-worthy ‘your unders are showing’ kind of days.
Ask yourself-are you all in? Is what you’re doing really aligned with your passion? You might be feeling the visibility ickies because this may not be what you’re truly meant to do. And that’s ok!! Sometimes it takes a long time to align yourself to that which feels true. And in the meantime there are bills to pay. Give yourself space and permission to be on the journey toward your true self.
Comment below and let me know if the fear of visibility resonates with you. It’s a journey and I’m sure we’re not alone! And if you’re thinking of working with me, go here for more info. I’d love to hear from you!
