As a preteen, loving soccer was part of my identity. I didn’t need to be the best goalie in the world to feel like it was a part of me. Then as I grew up, as if overnight, it wasn’t ‘appropriate’ for me to like the sport anymore.

And I listened to everyone who wanted me to be like them. I tried desperately to fit in, because there was this alluring illusion of safety in the ‘being like everyone else.’

Over the course of the last few years, I’ve finally reunited with that little goalie kid, the one who shook it off quickly when someone scored. Who dived for the ball and met challenges head-on.

And that illusion of safety I thought I felt–and at times really did feel–came at a cost. It came at a huge cost: ME. My selfhood. My true identity was buried under gendered expectations and other cultural norms and what I thought my family wanted for me.

And now I’ve come to understand that there is enormous joy in being the true me. There’s power in connecting with the courageous goalkeeper inside. And that makes me brave enough to not give those cultural norms and gender expectations as much mental real estate.

It helps me be gentle to myself and remember that I, as I truly am, am wonderful.

Find out more about developing your selfhood here.