For a three-week period, without fail, I’d close my eyes to practice mindfulness before bed. I’d set everything up ‘just so,’ light a candle, play calm music, begin to look inward…and then the theme song from The Nanny (the 90’s sitcom starring Fran Drescher) played in my head. From start to finish. I couldn’t get around it. I couldn’t think of anything else or clear my mind like I was ‘supposed to.’ I gave myself a hard time about it and was ‘shoulding’ all over myself. But then I just let my mind do what it wanted. It was clearly trying to work something out in this bizarre, uptempo jazzy way. And allowing that space, that freedom for my mind to just be, what what it needed. And it stopped.

The Nanny theme song wasn’t holding me back from mindfulness, the ‘shoulds’ were. The stress of ‘I’m doing this wrong’ or ‘I’m supposed to be doing it this way’ was the problem.

Maybe you relate to some of this. There are a lot of ‘shoulds’ floating around the mindfulness world. Here are some common myths I come across that hold people back from developing a deeper sense of selfhood and mindfulness practice.

Myth #1: You’re going to feel calm right away.

Reality: Mindfulness is a journey to becoming more aware of how your body and mind are feeling. So when you start tapping into your inner self, you may find out that you’re not feeling great. And that’s okay! All of this is data that helps inform our future practices. And I’m here to help you navigate this.

In our current tech-heavy culture, it is easy to spend 100% of our daily waking lives distracted from our inner selves. And if you’re recovering from trauma or illness, sometimes distraction can be super welcome. I’m currently suffering from a back injury and I’m definitely finding myself needing distraction from the pain and tedium of healing. (My thanks to the app developers of Two Dots for finally changing the algorithm to let me get past level 345).

What you ARE going to feel is yourself. And many people at this point may be scared or may feel like it’s too much, but here’s where I come in and can help you move through this. Remember you’re not alone! And because you’re learning mindfulness, the self-scaries over time dissipate because you learn techniques and how to pay attention in a kind and gentle way and give yourself space to just be.

Myth #2: The thoughts that flood in during meditation are bad.

Maybe this happens to you…you have every intention of starting a meditation. You find a comfortable seat, you close your eyes, then all the thoughts from your day rush in and flood your mind–your to-do list, wondering if this is actually working, what you’re having for dinner, the theme song to The Nanny. And they won’t leave. The meditation guides may tell you to not pay attention to them, to just let them go, but they persist.

Reality: It’s okay if this happens to you!! When I work with clients, I often carefully craft a personalized meditation/mindfulness experience. And I always ask, ‘how was that experience for you?’ Most times they’ll say things like, “I feel so much more grounded/calm…etc” BUT just as important are those times when people say, “I just mentally wrote my grocery list,” or “I struggled with x aspect of it.” That’s almost always the most fantastic jumping-off point for us to dig in and discuss on a meaningful level what’s really going on.

The struggle is what leads us to a greater selfhood.

The more you understand your tendencies, the easier it gets. And there are some tricks and tips you learn over time (and I can help you).

And also, there are those times where your mind won’t calm down until you do put oatmeal or bananas on the shopping list because you’re out…And that’s ok! It’s ok to get your list out and add it there and give yourself a break. This is a practice. And if that keeps coming up, maybe next time part of your practice will be to check your shopping list 5 minutes before the meditation so you can let that part go.

Myth #3: We have to be 100% serious in order for it to work.

Reality: There is a difference between taking our practice/ourselves seriously and being serious all the time. And while I certainly benefit from many of those calm mindfulness practitioners out there, have you noticed that quite a lot of them don’t smile and you never hear them express joy?

You don’t have to be so serious to take yourself seriously.

It’s okay to laugh and be ebullient sometimes. My whole life operation is founded in the understanding that we all know how hard life can be, and we certainly need to process and honor that, but let’s also try to find the joy and laughter when we can.

Leave a comment and let me know about your mindfulness struggles! Subscribe below to receive newsletters with exclusive content and the latest updates from my blog and Youtube channel. And don’t hesitate to reach out. And find me on Youtube and Twitch at @resiliencedoctor